And the Sorrow of a Freak
by fandm-writer
Summary: Cassandra absently stared down at the book in her lap, torn between wanting to bury herself in fiction and dealing with the reality of the situation. And the reality was that maybe constantly hiding herself in books was the problem.


**This is just a little idea I had, set right after the most recent episode, 'And the Disenchanted Forest'**

 **This is my first time writing for this series, so hopeful it turns out well and isn't too OOC. Hints of Jassandra.**

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Cassandra Cillian found herself in her favorite reading spot, book in hand. It was a little, private corner, tucked between the endless shelves of the Library.

Usually, she would be happily reading and getting lost in the pages of her most recent adventure. But today, all she could bring herself to do was rest her head against the wall, and hug her knees tightly. Cassandra absently stared down at the book in her lap, torn between wanting to bury herself in fiction and dealing with the reality of the situation. And the reality was that maybe constantly hiding herself in books was the problem.

For so many years it had been Cassandra's escape, whether it was fiction or otherwise. It had provided her comfort when she hadn't wanted to deal with the ever looming shadow of her own mortality. Today it offered no such comfort, today it reminded her of just how much she had missed out on. Today it reminded her how abnormal she felt, of how she had grown up feeling like a freak compared to all her other peers. That feeling had almost gone away when she joined the Library. Almost.

The truth was she hadn't had a normal childhood, how could she have? Between the Brain Grape, the hallucination, and her uncanny ability for Mathematics and academics, she hadn't exactly been the poster girl for your average teen.

She had grown up with Doctor visits instead of Summer Camp, fictional characters instead of friends, movies instead of parties.

Most days, that didn't bother Cassandra. She had never really slowed down long enough to realize there were things she had missed out on.

However, days like today it was painfully apparent. Days where her ignorance of normality and overzealousness blew up in her face. Days where Cassandra felt just as freakish and out of place as she did when she was younger.

The Librarian didn't even realize she wanted to cry until there were tear tracks on her cheeks.

Cassandra was a happy person, in fact, she went to great lengths to remain positive in any situation. Because given her circumstances, she knew how easy it would be to become bitter. She never wanted to be bitter. However, sometimes her seemingly endless supply of smiles became a mask. It became a good way for her to hide or drowned out her sorrows.

"Cassandra?" A voice spoke, breaking her from her thoughts.

Her eyes snapped open and immediately feel on Jake. He stood a few feet away, a look of concern on his features.

"Hey," she discreetly wiped away the tears and slipped into her facade. "How'd you find me, this is my secret spot."

"I've always known you come here to read," Jake replied with a small smile, "I pay attention, remember."

"Why are you crying?" He frowned, taking a few steps closer.

"Oh you know, this books just got me emotional." Cassandra attempted to brush it off.

Jake glanced at the title, "You're cryin' over Alice in Wonderland?" He replied, a note of skepticism in his tone.

"What can I say, the ending always gets me." She spoke.

Jake gave her a knowing look, and she gave him a sheepish one. He sighed quietly and cleared the distance between them.

"Cassie," Jake started, as he took a seat next her, "What's wrong? For real this time?"

Cassandra was silent for a beat.

Then slowly, she inhaled , collecting herself before continuing.

"I may have gone a little overboard with pranking Ezekial," Cassandra admitted quietly.

Jake nodded but didn't reply yet, sensing there was more.

"He doesn't think I know how to be normal." Cassandra explained, "And he's right." She added, her eyes once again becoming damp.

"You know, I've spent my whole life buried in books and knowledge...and then the Library. I spent my whole life expecting to die," Cassandra said, her voice a whisper, "I don't know what normal people do, I don't know how to act. I never thought I'd live long enough to have this problem."

"I...I feel like a freak." She admitted, a crack in her voice. "I always have."

Cassandra covered her face with her hands, trying to hide the tears that threatened to spill over.

"Hey, hey, hey." Jake soothed, wrapping his arms around her shoulder.

Cassandra felt silly crying over something like this, she didn't want to seem weak or fragile. But some days it was harder then others. Besides she wasn't just crying over one thing, it was not only feeling alienated, but it was a lifetime of missed opportunities. It was years of a loneliness she had tried so desperately to forget. It was years of being ignored by everyone around her, and dismissed as the weird sick girl.

"It's okay," Jake spoke, running his hand up and down her back, "I don't think you're a freak. And even if are, we're all freaks in out own way. Maybe that's not a bad thing."

"Yeah, but I didn't even know how to act at the camp, I made a fool out of my self." She countered, sniffling a little.

"No you didn't." Jake assured, catching her gaze.

Cassandra gave him an apprehensive look

"Listen, you just haven't had that many experiences in 'normal' settings, that's all." Jake explained, "That's doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you."

"And honestly, I wouldn't ever want you to change." Jake admitted, sincerity in his tone, "I think you're amazing just the way you are.

Cassandra looked up at him, a ghost of a smile on her features, "Thank you."

Jake only shrugged, hugging her a little tighter. Cassandra leaned her head on his shoulder and Jake was happy for it.

"Besides, it's never too late to have new experiences," Jake reassured, "If you want to do more normal things, then I'll help you."

"Really?" Cassandra beamed in excitement.

"Absolutely," he smiled back, "We all will. We're your friends, it's kinda our job."

Cassandra pulled him into a bone crushing hug.


End file.
